Survivor

I am a survivor.

As I look back down memory lane, I am overwhelmed with the many obstacles that came my way but I survived.

I owe it to God, to my family, friends and anonymous people who somehow became instruments for me to survive.

Let me tell you a story..,

One time my shout out over at FB was "define STRESS",..my Mommy Maloy commented that after everything I've been through, I shouldn't be stressed anymore, in other words stress should not be in my vocabulary. My Mom Maloy was one of the few who stood by me when the world was against me. I remember when I had surgery way back January 3, 2005, she was one of those worried sick about me because at that time, I didn't have family to take care of me. Although my Father insisted that he'd fly to Manila in order to take care of me but I refused because it was too expensive and I didn't want to bother him. I'm a big girl now, I thought and I can take care of myself but deep inside of course I wanted my Papa by my side. I stayed at the hospital for 7 days. My friends Haidee and her sister Melinda would take turns to be with me at the hospital. My cousin Agnes who miraculously discovered me there would drop by whenever she was not busy since she was finishing her medical residency. Occasionally, some office mates would visit and brought me some goodies and there was Ye my good friend then, now my husband who despite being criticized for taking care of me at the hospital, went out of his way to help. There is so much goodness in him no wonder I’m his wife now. After the surgery, I had what they call a spinal headache. I couldn’t elevate my head because it would cause me a very painful headache, and so I just had to lie down most of the time until I get better with the help of medication. A nurse aid would visit me every morning to bathe me, and a mysterious nun came praying for me while I was asleep although no one confirmed there was a nun who visited me in my room. Spooky isn’t it?
This experience taught me a lot about relying in myself and getting help when badly needed.

I am strong, but I also need help sometimes.

We must admit that we cannot endure everything on our own and it’s ok to ask for help when we need it.

With the overwhelming chain of events that's been happening in my life, I must say that God really loves me. He keeps me strong and He always provides a way out from all my problems through the people around me.

That is why I continuously survive.

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The thing about marriage.,

I am not so sure if I have the right to talk about marriage simply because even if I've been married for almost 5 years now I still consider myself a neophyte.


But the heck, I'm itching to talk about it since I learned that my good friend is planning to tie the knot soon. I am happy for my friend, but I was suggesting to her to give it a year more or two to REALLY prepare for married life. Why?..Well, because one thing I've learned from being married is that things would have been easier had we really prepared for it, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and most importantly is financially. I am not saying that I have a broken relationship, or that I'm regretting the fact that I am married. But I'm sure my husband will agree that it would have been a little less skirmish had we planned sooner.

It's not just a simple relationship, it’s actually more of a "business relationship" with really good benefits once you succeed and like any business you have to conduct a study to identify if it will work and eventually generate revenues. It's plain stupid to invest on something that you know will never work in the long run. Yes, it's worth a try but like what they say in marriage there's NO RETURN, NO EXCHANGE.

It's not that if you don't prepare well for married life it's not going to work and not everyone will share the same predicament as mine however we hold the key to our future and if we want things to be better for the marriage and our children, preparing, planning and coming up with a blue print of which wouldn't hurt. Right? At least there is a master plan and somehow it will provide a framework or direction.

I have learned from my experience and from my other friends experiences too that LOVE is very important in marriage. Do you know what love is? To what extent can you LOVE someone?

According to the Bible "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres".

Love never fails.

What a very beautiful way to describe love, isn't it? When two people get married, technically, they are so deeply in love with each other. Then eventually they have kids and more responsibilities and as married couples hurdle through their everyday life, they discover how difficult it is to stay in love. And as years go by, most often than not married couples end up asking themselves what is love in the first place or if it even still exists in the relationship because somehow the level is different. And the way you show your love for your partner is quite different too. Sometimes, couples who have been married for a long time assume that they don't need to be romantic anymore, confident that their partners already know they love them so they don’t really need to do anymore extra effort unlike when they were just engaged. I do not know if it's because couples assume different roles from being husband and wife, to being dad and mom, that they forget they also are lovers, best of friends, partners and comrades. Or those are also just simply other roles they portray?

After everything that I have said about marriage, planning and love, I’m sure a lot of you will disagree with me. I’m sure your situation and analysis will somehow be different than mine, and of course it will be because we react to things differently and we are entitled to our own opinion which is completely fine with me.

However, I’m sure everyone will agree that the recipe for a good marriage is putting God at the center of it. Planned or unplanned, if God is not present in the relationship, in the family, in the home, the marriage will be rotten eventually leading to a broken family.

I strongly believe that!

Ironic but sometimes despite my faith in the Lord, I feel like the more I am tested. During instances like this we ran to our Lord’s house, at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice, UP Diliman Quezon City. Honestly, in that place, even if my husband and I just sit around, we have peace of mind. We don’t feel the pain and the resentment we sometimes have for each other because in that holy place, God makes His presence felt.

I do not have a blueprint for my marriage. No plans, no studies made. Just plain LOVE and the vow to love someone unconditionally and most importantly there’s the Lord at the center, who keeps us together through the good and bad times.

Oh and yes, we continue to endure..,

Witnessing a miracle everyday

I am hungry.

And I can't do anything about it. As much as I want to feel sad and complain about me being pennyless, I'd rather hold back and just keep on going. I can't give up. Not today, not ever. It's for my kids, and I know somewhere, some time I will make it.

I never imagined myself being in this situation. And it's heart piercing that despite all my efforts I am still in darkness. I want to cry for help but I'd rather not. I know people who are in a much worse situation than I do.I do not have the right to complain.

But of course it sometimes reaches to point that I ask God why ME. I lost my job before, I lost friends and the most painful is lossing my baby and getting into a rocky situation with my husband. I couldn't understand why I was going through such horrible pain and despite clinging to the little hope and faith remaining within me and praying so hard for the Lord to spare me, I was still so unhappy.

It's really hard holding back. It's hard not to cry or complain. Even if I say to myself to offer everything to the Lord, I still break down. I am not using my being human as an excuse, and yes I am making efforts to deal with my crises, I guess I need to have a little more faith and to my dismay God is not disappointing me.

A couple of weeks ago I was with my colleagues for a breakfast meeting. At that time, I wanted to end my marriage because I felt like it was the only solution.  Then casually my friend shared how intense her fight was against cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in the lymphnoids area, she lost her hair, was just in high school then, but she did not give up because she said she had a lot of reasons to live and she had faith that God will grant her that. At her age,I admire her so much for having the courage and wisdom to accept things as they are and for embracing life without complains.

I love my husband. We've been through a lot and I do not see any reason why we can't make it this time. Not for our children's sake but for our sake and the vow we had for each other that in sickness in health, for richer or poorer,till death do as part.

Two hours ago, I was hungry. And I felt so down I was almost in the break of tears. Then, to my suprise someone brought me 3 bars of chocolates to get me by and I guess its God's way of telling me "I love you". Do not be so worried about how you can fullfill your tummy as I will provide you for that. I just need you to have a little more patience and and faith in me.

God has made his presence felt in the lowest, bitter, angry stage of my life. And He continuesly makes his presence felt especially in the most joyful occassions.

I witness a lot of miracles from Him everyday. The moment I wake up in the morning, at the office and when I return home at night. He makes his presence felt in so many ways, with the people around me, using them as instruments to help me make it through everyday and even with the situations I get myself in, He always provides me a way out.

We just need to open our hearts and minds to witness these little miracles that God creates for us and by counting our blessings everyday we are reminded that He is always there to provide, protect and guide us.

The Original Recruiters

Last weekend, I met up with my former colleagues from ePLDT, a meeting long awaited after each one of us left the recruitment team of Ventus, formerly Vocativ. Maloy (Ma. Luisa Panlilio-Chua) our consultant, Grace Grampa, Ryan Manzanero and I, worked together for several years. To me they are more than officemates, they are my family.


The lunch-date was set up when I accidentally bumped into Maloy at Park square 1 in Glorietta. I was on my way home from my medical checkup and she, on the other hand was on her way to Island photo to have her pictures developed.

It was a very big surprise for me to see my "Mommy Maloy" because I thought she was in the US for a much needed vacation. Like me, she was mourning the death of her sister.

As usual, I arrived late for our luncheon date. My good friends used to complain about me arriving late most of the time for work before, but of course they were very understanding since I was residing in Cainta back then.

We ate at AVENETO PIZZERIA, an Italian restaurant at Glorietta Mall. We've been planning to eat here since god knows when, and finally after 4 years we convened at the resto we've been wanting to dine a long time ago.

I was equally nervous and excited to see my good friends after all this time. We have different lives now but nothing will ever change the good and bad times we had together. Seeing them that sunny afternoon was no different than how it was years back.It seems that nothing has changed. Ryan is still handsome as ever. Gracey, still prim and proper. Maloy, still candid and humorous and prides herself of her senior citizens card which we benefited a 20% discount from our bill. [Thanks for the treat Maloy].

We stayed at the resto for almost 5 hours; obviously we had a lot of catching up to do. From reminiscing the times we had at the PLDT MGO building, to the daily hassles we encountered with our job, including the robbery that happened with one of our applicants as the culprit, and of course when after several years of being together, one by one, we left for better reasons. I was the first to go, then Grace, Maloy finally retired and Ryan moving to another role.

Despite the distance, time, and the many other things that had happened in our lives, we were still connected by a bond that I guess will forever draw us near to each other, and that bond is what we call friendship. We will think, support, pray for each other without having to prove or say that we are friends come what may.

Prayer of Sacrifice

Last year was a very difficult year for me. I lost a lot of things that meant so dear to me. I lost friends, I lost money, my job, opportunities, trust, love, and even myself. Infact before the end of 2009, I nearly lost my sanity especially when my son, Joaquin Louise, died 14 days after he was born.

Words cannot describe the pain I had to endure just to get by.

I felt like a melting candle.

But if I lost to the world last year, I also gained my life back because if this very special prayer that I want to share with all of you. May the Prayer of Sacrifice empower you with strength, wisdom and humility to understand the course of time. May it uplift your spirit, the very same way it did to me.

Now, think of the Lord Jesus. Focus on his face. Offer to him everything that you hold deep in your heart ans say, the Prayer of Sacrifice.

Lord of the Holy Sacrifice, your saving oblation on the cross has given me new life. May I always recall your holy sacrifice on the cross and do it in remembrance of you. When tempted by selfishness, inspire me to be taken as an unworthy sacrifice. When burdened by envy, let me become an instrument of blessing for others. When afflicted by anger and pride, grant me the humility to be broken and given for others. When unsettled by anguish and troubled by worries, give me encouragement.


May your Spirit move my heart to see in your outstretched arms your loving embrace of everyone that I, too, may welcome others with the same love in an open hand. Teach my mind and direct my will to humbly endure the pain of undeserved suffering even when my intent was good and done what is right. May I understand that it is in the holy sacrifice of your wounds that my brokenness is healed. May I see in your sacrifice on the cross not only death and defeat but victory and life.

Loving Father, may the holy sacrifice of your Son cleanse my soul, strengthen my heart, pardon my past and restore me in your peace. May I always adore you by uniting myself in His holy sacrifice, the sacrament of your divine love. May I learn to sacrifice my own comfort, plans and dreams if it is not for your glory and the good of others.

With Mary, the mother of Jesus, who joined her heart with the sacrifice of her Son, may I become a holy sacrifice of love and service for others. Gathered around the altar of love, may all be united in listening to your word and sharing the one bread and cup and become one people, offering one holy sacrifice.

Amen.

Miraculous Abundance

By Ma. Teresa Torres



The multiplication of loaves was mentioned in all four gospels of the bible. However, there is inconsistency in the number of bread and fish multiplied mentioned by the evangelists. In Matthew’s account, there are seven loaves of bread and two fish whereas in the accounts of John, Mark, and Luke, there are five loaves of bread and two fish. The inconsistency is also found in the number of baskets of leftovers. In the former there are seven baskets, in the latter, there are twelve.


It may not mathematically make sense. How can seven loaves of bread and two fish, or five loaves and two fish, feed four thousand or five thousand mouths?

Maybe it is because they shared. The people only ate what they needed. Perhaps many of them gave their share to the others who needed it more. Or, many of them actually brought their own food and shared it with their neighbors. It is possible that because of these unwritten events, the five loaves of bread and the two fish was more than enough to feed the five thousand followers.

What is the moral of the story? That in each and every one of us, there is an abundance of gifts that God gave to us to share. Just as the sharing between the people who followed Jesus multiplied the loaves of bread and the few pieces of fish, sharing our blessing in effect multiplies it so that many will be able to receive and experience it.