Witnessing a miracle everyday

I am hungry.

And I can't do anything about it. As much as I want to feel sad and complain about me being pennyless, I'd rather hold back and just keep on going. I can't give up. Not today, not ever. It's for my kids, and I know somewhere, some time I will make it.

I never imagined myself being in this situation. And it's heart piercing that despite all my efforts I am still in darkness. I want to cry for help but I'd rather not. I know people who are in a much worse situation than I do.I do not have the right to complain.

But of course it sometimes reaches to point that I ask God why ME. I lost my job before, I lost friends and the most painful is lossing my baby and getting into a rocky situation with my husband. I couldn't understand why I was going through such horrible pain and despite clinging to the little hope and faith remaining within me and praying so hard for the Lord to spare me, I was still so unhappy.

It's really hard holding back. It's hard not to cry or complain. Even if I say to myself to offer everything to the Lord, I still break down. I am not using my being human as an excuse, and yes I am making efforts to deal with my crises, I guess I need to have a little more faith and to my dismay God is not disappointing me.

A couple of weeks ago I was with my colleagues for a breakfast meeting. At that time, I wanted to end my marriage because I felt like it was the only solution.  Then casually my friend shared how intense her fight was against cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer in the lymphnoids area, she lost her hair, was just in high school then, but she did not give up because she said she had a lot of reasons to live and she had faith that God will grant her that. At her age,I admire her so much for having the courage and wisdom to accept things as they are and for embracing life without complains.

I love my husband. We've been through a lot and I do not see any reason why we can't make it this time. Not for our children's sake but for our sake and the vow we had for each other that in sickness in health, for richer or poorer,till death do as part.

Two hours ago, I was hungry. And I felt so down I was almost in the break of tears. Then, to my suprise someone brought me 3 bars of chocolates to get me by and I guess its God's way of telling me "I love you". Do not be so worried about how you can fullfill your tummy as I will provide you for that. I just need you to have a little more patience and and faith in me.

God has made his presence felt in the lowest, bitter, angry stage of my life. And He continuesly makes his presence felt especially in the most joyful occassions.

I witness a lot of miracles from Him everyday. The moment I wake up in the morning, at the office and when I return home at night. He makes his presence felt in so many ways, with the people around me, using them as instruments to help me make it through everyday and even with the situations I get myself in, He always provides me a way out.

We just need to open our hearts and minds to witness these little miracles that God creates for us and by counting our blessings everyday we are reminded that He is always there to provide, protect and guide us.