WHY FRIENDSHIP ENDS

Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.
Sometimes I realize that, "The end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the country to the other. It was over an 18-hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we would see each other if they visit the metropolis. Then our friendship began to taper off."
"I didn't even know the friendship was over untiI caught myself thinking of Dinah as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present."
"We started to e-mail each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town.
"When I moved to Manila after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with our own lives and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call her when I go home."

Carole King's song, "You've Got A Friend" promises "Winter, spring, summer, or fall--all you've got to do is call--and I'll be there." Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end.
Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each others company.

"That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to her again. It's like we were never friends."

A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:
Unexpressed expectations,

Undelivered communication,
And/or thwarted attention."
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change.

For example, moving from single life to coupled life has a great effect on friendship. Coupled persons often feel their single friends act interested in them only when a romantic prospect is not in sight. They may feel jealousy for or neglected by a single friend's new social life. The single friend may feel awkward and withdraw from a world of twosomes. Divorced and widowed people often have a feeling of being abandoned by old friends.

Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."

Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?

They say, FRIENDSHIP is an in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty, understanding, empathy, and intimacy.

These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave.
Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship.
Remember when you were young and had week-end pajama party at your friends' home. It was fun but when you got home, home was wonderful. Your feeling was "I'm home. I can relax now."
That's what a friendship should be. You go out into the world and do your best. You have your ups and downs, your problems and triumphs, your fun and tribulations. You charm and you perform. Then you come "home" to a friend. You can relax, put up your feet; you are relieved. If you still have to be charming and/or performing, it's not a relief.
Friendship is a comfy situation like home. You get home, kick off your shoes, relax and sigh, "Ahh, home."

Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come back to haunt you for a long time.
There are nine main types of toxic friends--those people whose friendship hurts you eventually. Knowing the categories of toxic friends helps you avoid them. Unfortunately, though, becoming friends is risky and there is never a guarantee you will not be hurt by a toxic friend.

The User as a Toxic Friend:This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends.

The Betrayer as a Toxic Friend:Nothing hurts more than a friend who betrays you. The betrayer is truly a toxic friend.

The Control Freak as a Toxic Friend:The control freak is a friend as long as she/he is in control. The control freak often seems to be helping you. Refuse that help or break that control and find out what toxic friendship really means.

The Judge as a Toxic Friend:Ever judgmental, ever critical, this friend can erode your self-esteem. The judge is a fault finder. You can rarely do anything completely right with this toxic friend.

The Promise Breaker as a Toxic Friend:This person rarely does what he says he will do. If you have a date, your toxic friend is often a no-show. A general lack of dependability makes this person a toxic friend.

The Gossip as a Toxic Friend:The gossip will eventually betray your trust and become a toxic friend. Gossips are easy to spot so beware your friendships with them.

The Self-Centered Person as a Toxic Friend:Self-centered people can't think of you as they are too busy thinking of themselves. They make toxic friends.

The Competitor as a Toxic Friend:The competitor is always looking to be "one up." Although some competitiveness is normal in friendships, too much competition makes a toxic friend.

Again, no can always avoid a toxic friend. But often to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

The Leaner as a Toxic Friend:The leaner is a very needy friend who clings and may be at your doorstep every day. He/she usually wants all of your time and jealousy often enters the picture in this friendship.

So dont get intoxicated.

Choose your friends...like I Did.

REALITY

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have
taller buildings but shorter tempers,
wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less,
we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment,
more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much,
smoke too much,
spend too recklessly,
laugh too little,
drive too fast,
get too angry,
stay up too late,
get up too tired,
read too little,
watch TV too much,
and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much,
love too seldom,
and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information,
to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character,
steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips,
disposable diapers,
throwaway morality,
one night stands,
overweight bodies,
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

My core

What is your core?

What are the most important things in your life right now?

Do you allow your core to direct and empower your daily decisions and actions?

Overnight, with a couple of bottles of San.Miguel light I was contemplating about those three questions Bo is asking me to answer. He said it would help me simplify my life and live a Good Life. I don't even know if there is such a thing as an even more simple life than what I have right now with my husband because as far as I'm concerned we are already living a simple life. But anyway, as I was reading the first question over again I went to my desk and checked the dictionary to find the meaning of the word "core" (it might just help).

Main Entry:
core
Part of Speech:noun

Definition:the central, innermost, or most essential part of anything.
Synonyms:
base, center, cob, essence, focus, gist, guts, heart, hub, kernel, meat, middle, nodule, nub, nucleus, pith, root, staple, substance.

So in other words if I were to rephrase Bo's question it would be like this:

"What is the central, innermost, or most essential part of yourself"?

Well, now I can better understand the question and my answer to this would have to be my HEART.

My heart dictates my mind most of the time when it should actually be the other way around. No wonder I've been in trouble several times all because I have a big heart. But it also paved the way for me to make some of the best decisions in my life without regrets.

My heart has gone through a lot and sometimes I feel like it has become rigid over the years but still it remains compassionate, loving,caring and forgiving despite the pain.

I hope Bo is satisfied with my answer to his first question which brings us to the second one:

What are the most important things in your life right now?

It would have to be my FAMILY , my JOB ,GOD,FRIENDS,and my HOME.

I am existing for my family. Without them I am nothing. I am working hard for them and together I want to live a good life with them. I am driven by my ambitions and dreams in life because of Ye, Ysa and Miguel. And I cannot imagine my life without them anymore.

My job is also very important to me because I get to pay the bills, buy food, milk, diapers, medicine, provide clothing and shelter for my family because of my job. Even if it's not enough, still it can get us by.

God gives me strength. HE alone provides me the way on how to solve each and every obstacle that comes my way. He is my light, my hope, the answer to my every prayer.

Friends come and go but luckily I have a few who's always been by my side even if they are a million miles away. I miss my friends Judytte, Dicy, Susan, Juvy, Gerladine and Dinah.I hope we'll see each other again soon.

I must say I am very thankful to my in laws they allowed us to stay in one of their houses in QC. Without their help we would probably be still renting an apartment somewhere. And because they opened their doors to us, we take care of our new home like it was truly ours although I hope in God's time we will have our own.

Bo, are you happy with my answers so far? Because honestly as I was writing my thoughts I realized that I actually have a very simple life. All the while I thought that I have such a very complicated life with all the problems and people I encounter everyday. I feel like I am at peace and it feels great.

We are now down to the last and final question.

Do you allow your core to direct and empower your daily decisions and actions?

I often times allow my heart to direct and empower my decisions and actions. I do so thinking that I'm doing them in good faith but like what I've said it also failed me a couple of time because we shouldn't let our emotions empower us most of the time. We also need to use our mind and be stiff because we need to, and that is for our own good.Right Bo?

Im just on page 17 and I have several more chapters to read before I can finish this book.

And as I flip through the pages, I hope that I am able to Simplify and live a Good life.

Live from the core of your being..,says Bo Sanchez

It is not enough if you are busy.The question is, What are you busy about?

-Henry David Thoreau

The great BO Sanchez wrote this article in one of his books entitled Simplify and Live the Good Life. I would like to share my thoughts on some of the meaningful excerpts he wrote and I hope that you can relate to this as well.

“Happiness is not found outside of you. It doesn’t come from cars, clothes, cash, or Caribbean cruises. Happiness is found within.

When I came across this passage on page 17, I sort of imagined that Bo (my favorite author) was in front of me and was personally telling me this. At the same time I can see myself frowning back at him and rebutting the idea saying, “Are you kidding me Bo!”

But I gave the guy a break and continued reading and rebutting each and every word he wrote. Surprisingly at the end of the article he included an activity. It was an action plan designed to test the truthfulness of his theory. Hmmmmmm!?…might as well try it. I will not lose anything anyway and who knows I might just agree with him after going through this action plan.

Instructions: Begin a journal for his book “Simplify and Live the Good Life”. Write down discoveries, insights, reflections, and here we go ‘action plan’ for each chapter.

What is your core?
What are the most important things in your life right now?
Do you allow your core to direct and empower your daily decisions and actions?

Ok Bo, I’ll give it a try and I’ll share my journal to whoever cares to open my blog and hopefully after reading your book you can help me Simplify and Live the Good Life.

My thoughts over the weekend.

I've been married for about 3 years and 3 months and since the time I tied the knot it is only recently that I am beginning to enjoy my married life. Ironic but even I am surprised and I was dwelling over this thought the whole weekend.

Is it a good thing or bad thing?

Why just now?

But thank God it happened.

I must say that ours' was never a planned marriage at all. We were just friends at that time, we did not even have a commitment and oooppss! We were on our way to parenthood. But I have no regerets because my men is the best that I have met so far, but of course there could have been better options..(hehehe) kidding aside, he's I guess everything that I wanted my partner to be, a complete opposite of MWUAH. But since we did not really have a relationship when we started our family, we were like hitting birds with one stone. Getting to know each other more and at the same time being husband and wife. It was very difficult, especially that his family was completely against our decision (gosh I can just imagine) not that we were hard headed but we just completely arrived to a realization that of all the relationships we had in the past, our friendship was one of a kind. We had that gutt feeling that we will have each other for the rest of our lives. And so we did.

It was like a Romeo and Juliet affair the most depressing point of my life aside from my mother's death. They completely pierced my heart it hurt. They judge me like there was no good in me at all. I lost friends and family because of what they did and I am greatfull that despite going through this painfull moment of my life, my men stood by my side even if sometimes I can feel his knees tremble.

Then came our first born, Ysabel. She sealed our family togther and became a bridge towards rekindling the once lost friendship with our family. It wasn't easy going back to that place . All I had was a bad memory of that paradise but for my daughter we had to go back there. And now we've made that place our home and somehow going back helped me heal my heart.

At this point, I must say that I am happy. Although trials still do come our way but unlike before my husband and I are more of partners now than we were before. We've become drinking buddies, bestfriends, teammates and it feels good that somehow weve learned to let go of the past and all the heartaches and just enjoy whatever we have at the moment, especially now that we have Miguel.

I hope that as we grow older we are still together, holding each others hand through thick and thin and Im sure no problem is too huge for as long as we stand by each other.

Selfworth

I am Ga to my Ye, Ma to my Ysa and Miguel, Sharona to my brothers and sisters and simply Sharon to my friends. Most of those who are close to me would probably say that Im a serious person and my values are very conservative. Thats probably because I grew up in a traditional Spanish-Chinese family all the way from the south.

I am the youngest in a brood of four and my siblings are like ten- fifteen years older than me, so my parents really made a careful watch over me while I was growing up. Don't mistaken me for a Maria Clara or something because I too, like any normal child turned to rebellion at one point in my life.

Good thing I was very active in a church choire at that time, God spared me from ruining my life. He gave me a chance to fix my mess and I am grateful that I was able to recuperate.After starting anew, I am convinced that nothing can worth you damage in your life but yourself and your greatest enemy is often times yourself.

You will carry the burden for every wrong turn you make and it is best to consult your conscience for every decision you undertake.Although some of the things in the past still do hunt me like a nightmare, I cannot do otherwise but to accept my failures. And thank God for each and every second chance I take, I am able to refine myself more as a better person.Now, I'm living not for myself anymore but for my kids.

Everytime I look at them I pray so hard that they will be better than I am. I hope that the world will be kinder to them because it scares me to think that they will have the same predicament that I had. But I must be strong for my children. Because I know somehow they will get their strength from me to face the world and triumph.

Where I Stand

Where I Stand
By Taj-domayn C. Thompson

Here I stand,Until the time
Was it a crime to see what cannot be touched
Hear voices speak words that can't be undone
Was it my fault I was invincible
To the naked eye,
I am invisibleI cannot be seen
Because no one wants to see meI
am different
Different from the rest of them
So they ignore me
But I don't ignore them
No one is friendly
Why were they so blind
Because I am not them
I am only mine
I am different
But I can see
But they can't see me
I watch them fall
Divided they fall
Together they die
But here I stand
Until the end of time
Was it a crime that I was unique
Original to the human mindI was invisible to there standards
Invisible to their lies
But as they kneel to beg
I watch them beg
But here I stand until the end of time
Was it a crime for me to live my life
A crime for wanting to survive
No one would answer
So I will wait until the end of time

Who's Nicole?

I have a very special job. I teach English online and by talking over the phone using a book as reference. I've been doing this for more than a year now and I just want to share one experience I had with a very special young girl named

Nicole.

She was very sweet and polite. And to tell you honestly, even if she is just 13 years old she talks with sense and goes right straight to the point with her very strong opinions about religion, politics, showbiz and life. For about a year I was constantly talking to her and I learned so many things from this little girl whom I've learned to adore and consider as my confidant. It was not for long that Nicole and I had to permanently put the phone down and just treasure all the sleepless nights that we were talking to each other. We never got the chance to see each other in person. Until one day I received an e-mail from her with a picture attached to it and I can't beleive that all the while that we were talking to each other she was writing about me in her journal, something that I was doing myself.

Empty bed

Today my husband came home from work at 6:30 a.m. He needed to work overtime because of an important project they have to finish. For the past 3 years that we have been married it was the first time I slept without him by my side. Although the kids were with me but I felt like the bed was empty without him. I guess I have gotten used to hugging him when we go to sleep like a soft pillow. It's just been three years, but life has tremendously changed for me. I remember the first few weeks that we were together, I was still adjusting to having to share my bed with this guy, since I was living alone when I was still single. But now, to my surprise I have practically embraced myself to the comforting scent of his cologne and the smooth texture of his skin rubbing against mine.

I thought I wouldnt fall asleep that night but I was too tired from work. It was already 1 am when I got home and the weather was cold. The kids were asleep so I tip-toed my way to my room. Took a shower and stood infront of my empty bed. It was too big for me alone that night.

I slowly opened my eyes because I felt like someone was calling my name. Was it a dream or the alarm but when I managed to clear my eyes I saw my husband gazing at me, I smiled back at him then I said "Hi!" and he said "goodmorning". I heard him laughing at me probably because of how silly I looked that very moment but the sight of him by my side made me really happy because he was home safe, with us.